Here I Am

Not doing anything because the chance of hanging with a specific someone is a possibility but doesn't happen. What on Earth was I thinking?!

bitter and then some.

I'm still edge and I still think I'll be this way forever. I can't stand being told I'm not, and being told that what I'm doing is dumb. I'm happy with who I am, and I'm never changing.

Good Karma

Good deeds:
1. Wished him well, though things, for me, are still shady.
2. Gave a homeless man a dollar for a burger.
3. Helped my roommate by posting a bomb craigslist ad.

I'm doing these things not for myself, but because they're the nice things to go. Only after does my unrealistic hope for good karma come into play. Lets hope it works.

Scarlett Johansson

Half sleeve? Bold move for an actress.




oh and, chick is bangin.

You've been on my mind a lot the past 24 hours, I know why. A girl here committed suicide last night. She jumped out of her dorm window, 16th floor. I just left her candle light service, and the whole time I was there I was thinking of you. I was doing the same thing a year and a half ago, except my eyes were full of tears and there was a hole in my chest. I didn't know her, but I knew you and I know how much pain her friends are in, because we felt it. We all love you.

I don't feel like myself anymore. The way I act, the things I say, the thoughts in my mind, the way I look; everything about me is now new to me. I don't like it at all. I feel like my schoolwork is going down the drain. Now that I don't have a major distraction, I should be pulling all A's. But I can't seem to concentrate or accomplish anything anymore. I can't seem to take my mind off of stupid things and how angry I am and unhappy. I watch Sex and the City religiously because, somehow, it takes my mind off of my own life. In the past three months I've changed myself so much. With tattoos and haircuts and clothes it seems I'm doing things to change me so that I'll like me more. I'm not myself. I need to cut out from everything and everyone and figure things out.

I'm so full of hate right now. I was in that happy whatever stage, greatly due to these summer rays. But after hearing the things you've said about me or in regards to me and how you continue to put the blame on me, after you told me you knew it was you, really angered me.





It shocks me how low people can be at times.

I've never really found myself looking up to anyone or admiring a person for their personality and for how real they are. Even those who claim to be so real that they'll tell you they hate you. Because thats not necessarily real, you're just spitefully honest.

And if I ever found myself admiring a person, it has never been a woman. Girls are typically manipulative, conniving and generally have no regard for the feelings of others (that actually applies to everyone, not just women). But a friend of mine and the way she acts is really something I admire. I feel extremely creepy for writing this but its true, and I appreciate real people when I meet them, because its the rarest of rare occasions.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/54TROD/www.slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2009/pineapple_express.htm

i don't care if you don't think its funny. i think its funny.

Is it sad?

Is it sad to say that I miss last year? I miss being at TCC?

Its not that I miss TCC. Or even who I was hanging out with last Spring semester. I just miss sitting in my car between classes, which I intentionally parked in the sun, and listening to Death Cab all by myself. Just thinking, listening, and sun bathing. Bring that back, now please.

Black Widows

http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/48472

http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/49095

I guess I find this interesting because of legal studies. But I was extremely intrigued by both.

should I take everyones advice and run? Run as far as my legs will take me way from you? Or should I listen to my heart and try to keep up with this game?

I seriously need summer. I know I say this every other post, but I need it. I need that Vitamin D.

Impressive

Someone posted this and I think its amazing. I love the abstract work like crazy, and admire the creativity and talent of it and all the other tattoos.

Well, at least you're happy and inspired. At least your selfishness has allowed that much from this.

most amazing thing i've ever seen.

Super Sprayer - Free videos are just a click away

pet peeve found, good job.

my names kristin

not kris, not krist, not kristina. everyone who keeps calling me those names can go fuck off now. thanks.

please excuse my temporary insanity. I'm back on track now.



I hope.

Night time is the best time for me. I'm productive, independent and carefree. I wish I could have this mood at all times. Although it does suck sometimes. I get super motivated to do massive amounts of homework around 11 pm -2 am. Not so good when you have to get up early in the morning, or when you're so completely exhausted from your first day of work.

Speaking of, yes, I have a job. I work at Up Against the Wall in Richmond. Possibility to get transferred during the summer and work at Lynnhaven? Lets hope so. Lets hope I can come back home. And even if I can't, I'm not too upset about it. I might stay up here all summer and work. Its an option, and I might have to weigh them all and make a big decision.

I altered a shirt

because i have all the time in the world to do so.

I think it turned out nicely:
Before (On Georgina):


After:

make me motived. please. i'm tired of being a lazy, whiny teenager.

I HATE this feeling. I just want the "recovery" process of my emotions be done with. I just want to stop feeling so unhappy.

The worst part about being me is the dreams. I'm so tired of dreaming of this person. Through out our relationship, I had nightmares about he and I breaking up. Through out this break up, I have nightmares about the games he keeps playing, getting back together, and also breaking up some more. I wish I could shut my mind off and just sleep. I need my escape back.

Summer: Happiness, fun, relaxation, stress free, worry free, independent

Fall: skating on summer spirit

Winter: Falling, life drama, stress, hate, freezing over

Spring: Recovery, thaw out, spirits lifting

I'm at least ready for spring already, though winters coldness is hitting me hard now.

I'm thankful for best friends. R² is the one who knows how to make me lolhard forrealllll.

I've been going in and out of feeling okay with this. Sometimes I feel super strong.
"Fuck him, his loss"
"He'll regret throwing away someone he loved over one big fight"
"I tried, he just quit"
"He didn't really care, obviously"
Other times, I feel weak. I feel at fault. I feel completely empty. I try to think the things I could've done differently, or how I could've changed myself. And thats the worst.
Relationships are the hardest things to deal with, especially when you're the only one dedicated enough to put in your all and to grow and to help the other person through. The only thing I have left to do is move on and forget it all. There's nothing else for me to do.

I am pretty pathetic.



Also, all of my posts start with "I". I'm obviously conceited as well.

I rediscovered old pictures that I never put up on my flickr. From time to time I get my camera out and snap what I see. Some of you are features on this flickr, actually:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/k2kid/

Also, I feel like I get goofier looking as time goes on. I miss summer and being tan. Being this white isn't normal!

Summer? Hello? Are you there?! Come home now! Please!!

I wish I could combine Richmond and Virginia Beach into one city. That would be perfect. Both have characteristics that I love, and things that I hate.

Richmond perks:
1. freedom.
2. less stress and anxiety/ better atmosphere for me.
3. closer distance to friends in the city.

Virginia Beach perks:
1. closer to nate, family and friends.
2. easier to get a job.
3. living with mom and dad taking care of me is very nice.

But...

Richmond fails:
1. a lot of alone time.
2. no time for vb friends.
3. can't get a job due to trips home and visits (if they'll even happen anymore)
4. MESSY apartment.

VB fails:
1. STRESS AND ANXIETY.
2. Gas money out the window.
3. family stress.
4. time management.

Oh what should I doooooo?!

I'm becoming exactly the kind of girl I never wanted to be in a relationship. I'm over emotional, too affectionate, and a bit jealous. I'd like to be a lot less emotional, a little bit less affectionate, and not jealous at all. I feel like I'm messing things up.

I must rewind to the fun girl I was in the beginning. I'm determined to do it.

Nate's friend Sauce found this and its probably the greatest thing I've ever seen. Looks like a blast.

I've fallen back in love with French Vanilla hot chocolate from 711. 2/3 French Vanilla, 1/3 regular hot chocolate, all good.

Today Nate and I kicked it back and watched movies and t.v. and cuddled. It felt so good to be close again. We've both been very stressed and emotional, and I was having my pessimistic fearful thoughts coming back from last year. After getting bad news today, all I wanted to do was make him feel better. I'm scared for him, and I'm hoping so much that everything works out.

I'm scared of losing one of the few people I care about. I'm scared about him leaving. I'm scared of our relationship falling apart with the distance. Is it selfish of me to hope he doesn't get what he wants? Even if it is what's best for him in his life? I feel myself falling back to where I was last year, and thats the last thing I ever want for myself. The feeling in my gut, in my throat, and the clenching in my chest is the worst feeling to ever have.

Lets hope things work out.