Summer: Happiness, fun, relaxation, stress free, worry free, independent

Fall: skating on summer spirit

Winter: Falling, life drama, stress, hate, freezing over

Spring: Recovery, thaw out, spirits lifting

I'm at least ready for spring already, though winters coldness is hitting me hard now.

I'm thankful for best friends. R² is the one who knows how to make me lolhard forrealllll.

I've been going in and out of feeling okay with this. Sometimes I feel super strong.
"Fuck him, his loss"
"He'll regret throwing away someone he loved over one big fight"
"I tried, he just quit"
"He didn't really care, obviously"
Other times, I feel weak. I feel at fault. I feel completely empty. I try to think the things I could've done differently, or how I could've changed myself. And thats the worst.
Relationships are the hardest things to deal with, especially when you're the only one dedicated enough to put in your all and to grow and to help the other person through. The only thing I have left to do is move on and forget it all. There's nothing else for me to do.

I am pretty pathetic.



Also, all of my posts start with "I". I'm obviously conceited as well.

I rediscovered old pictures that I never put up on my flickr. From time to time I get my camera out and snap what I see. Some of you are features on this flickr, actually:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/k2kid/

Also, I feel like I get goofier looking as time goes on. I miss summer and being tan. Being this white isn't normal!

Summer? Hello? Are you there?! Come home now! Please!!

I wish I could combine Richmond and Virginia Beach into one city. That would be perfect. Both have characteristics that I love, and things that I hate.

Richmond perks:
1. freedom.
2. less stress and anxiety/ better atmosphere for me.
3. closer distance to friends in the city.

Virginia Beach perks:
1. closer to nate, family and friends.
2. easier to get a job.
3. living with mom and dad taking care of me is very nice.

But...

Richmond fails:
1. a lot of alone time.
2. no time for vb friends.
3. can't get a job due to trips home and visits (if they'll even happen anymore)
4. MESSY apartment.

VB fails:
1. STRESS AND ANXIETY.
2. Gas money out the window.
3. family stress.
4. time management.

Oh what should I doooooo?!

I'm becoming exactly the kind of girl I never wanted to be in a relationship. I'm over emotional, too affectionate, and a bit jealous. I'd like to be a lot less emotional, a little bit less affectionate, and not jealous at all. I feel like I'm messing things up.

I must rewind to the fun girl I was in the beginning. I'm determined to do it.

Nate's friend Sauce found this and its probably the greatest thing I've ever seen. Looks like a blast.

I've fallen back in love with French Vanilla hot chocolate from 711. 2/3 French Vanilla, 1/3 regular hot chocolate, all good.

Today Nate and I kicked it back and watched movies and t.v. and cuddled. It felt so good to be close again. We've both been very stressed and emotional, and I was having my pessimistic fearful thoughts coming back from last year. After getting bad news today, all I wanted to do was make him feel better. I'm scared for him, and I'm hoping so much that everything works out.

I'm scared of losing one of the few people I care about. I'm scared about him leaving. I'm scared of our relationship falling apart with the distance. Is it selfish of me to hope he doesn't get what he wants? Even if it is what's best for him in his life? I feel myself falling back to where I was last year, and thats the last thing I ever want for myself. The feeling in my gut, in my throat, and the clenching in my chest is the worst feeling to ever have.

Lets hope things work out.